The Spiritual Director: A Guide and Mentor

"A brother asked Abba Poemen, 'Some brothers live with me; do you want to be in charge of them?' The old man said to him, 'No, just work first and foremost, and if they want to live like you, they will see to it themselves.'  The brother said to him, 'But it is they themselves, Father; who want me to be in charge of them.' The old man said to him, 'No, be their example, not their legislator.'"

     This anecdote from the Sayings of teh Desert Fathers speaks about the relationship between the spiritual child and the spiritual director.  Abba Poemen tells his brother that he should not be the legislator for others but rather lead them by example.  He suggests that the brother will teach and guide his disciples through his own actions and how he leads his own life.  This is a model that spiritual directors in society, outside of a monastic setting, could also employ to guide and teach their spiritual children.

     This paper will examine the role of the spiritual director in relation to the spiritual child by examining the function of obedience for the laity, the authority of the Church and its leaders, and finally, various types of spiritual guidance.  Throughout the paper, the term "spiritual director" will be used to refer to either a spiritual father or a spiritual mother.  In cases where a source is quoted, the term that the quoted author uses will be kept.

     Obedience is not something that is readily accepted in American society of the twenty-first century.  While society encourages one to be free, personally independent, financially stable and dependent only on oneself and one's achievements, our Church takes the opposite stand.  The Church says that one should be obedient to the teachings of the Church and its leaders, and therefore obedient to the one true God, our Father in heaven.  In John 14:15, Christ says, "If you love me, keep My commandments." (NKJV)  Through our love for Christ, we follow the commandments and teachings that He gave us, and by following those commandments and teachings we show the love that we have for God.  Saint Paisios Velichkovsky said, "The keeping of God's commandments and His words is nothing else than perfect obedience toward Christ the Lord."  Christ's command is, above all, to put God first, then serve others, then lastly ourselves.  When Christ said to deny oneself, take up one's cross, and follow Him, He meant that one must put aside one's own will and follow the example of Christ's love for others and obedience to the will of His Father in heaven (Matthew 16:24, NKJV).  Christ emphasizes this even more in Mark 12:30-31, when He reminds us of the two greatest commandments:  to love God and to love one's neighbor.  St. John Climacus says, in step four of his famouse treatise, "Obedience is absolute renunciation of our own life..."  To be obedient to someone, one first must choose to freely deny his own life and accept the guidance of another.

     As humans we are created in the image and likeness of God (Gen 1:26-27).  Jesus Christ's entire ministry on earth is an example of obedience and humility.  Beginning with His incarnation, we see an act of obedience toward the Father.  Jesus Christ was obedient to His mother at the wedding of Cana (John 2:3-5), to his cousin, St. John the Baptist (Matthew 3:13-15), to the Roman authorities (Mark 12:13-17), never wishing harm towards them (John 18:11).  When St. Paul speaks of spiritual warfare, he says that we must bring every thought "into captivity to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Cor 10:5, NKJV)  We are called to lead a life of obedience, just as Christ did while He was on earth.

     Staretz Silouan tells us that when one gives oneself up in obedience to the will of God, the Lord alone dwells in one's soul.  "When the soul is entirely given over to the will of  God the Lord Himself takes her in hand and the soul leaerns directly from God."  Being obedient to God's commandments and the Church's teaching will help the lay person lead a more fruitful life, because he will be guided by the Holy Spirit in all that he does.  Through obedience to God's commandments one will experience freedom from the worries, temptations, and cares of the world.  St.Symeon the New Theologian says, "He who gives himself in the hand of a good teacher will have no such worries, but will live without anxiety and be saved in Christ Jesus our Lord..." Obedience is necessary because it is a denial of our self-will, and acceptance of the other, primarily God.  If the "other" that we acept is leading us on the marily path toward Christ, then we are following God's commandment to deny oneself.  St. John Climacus says that, without obedience, "no one subject to passions will see the Lord."

     The institution of the Church is set up with clergy in hierarchichal positions of church governance.  This authority is through the laying on of hands that has been passed on in successive generations from the Apostles and from Christ Himself.  The laity are called to be obedient to the clergy and leaders of the Church that have been appointed and elected; likewise, clergy are called to be obedient to the hierarchy of clergy above them.  "Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities.  For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God" (Romans 13:1, NKJV).  Ultimately, all humans, laity and clergy alike, are called to be obedient to God's commandments and His Word.  St. Paul says that one must "be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ" (Ephesians 6:5, NKJV)  The leaders of the Church are representatives of Christ, and therefore require our obedience to them.

     Christ always invited people and never insisted, using the simple words, "Follow me" (Matthew 4:19, 8:22, 9:9, 16:24, 19:21, KNJV).  Obedience to the Church is a voluntary obedience that one chooses using his free will.  One is never forced or required to believe in Christ or to follow the teachings of the Church.  It is a voluntary choice.  Once the choice to follow Christ is made, the path is set forth for each Christian by the Church and its leaders, but the daily choices require to live a Christian life are up to the individual person.  One will never be forced into acting a certain way to be a Christian.

     The obedience we are called to follow is not to the person specifically, but rather to the teachings of Christ that these leaders model in their lives.  If we are to be obedient to the person more than to Christ and His commandments, we risk making an idol of the person and taking the place of God.  This authority, however, was not meant to be a controlling force that limited what one was allowed to do.  The obedience that we learn from the hierarchy of the Church and from our spiritual directors must be obedience to Christ, and not to a specific person.

     The spiritual director should assist the laity on their journey by helping to provide discernment and guidance.  The spiritual director is never meant to be a commanding force that gives permission or restricts the laity from doing what they choose.  There is a difference between the authority that the clergy have to lead the Church, and the responsibility of the spiritual director to mentor and guide his spiritual child.  "The spiritual Father does not coerce, he does not give orders; rather , he takes the spiritual child by the hand and leads the way, gently but firmly."  While the clergy have the responsibility to administer the sacraments according to the canons and Tradition of the Church, the spiritual director serves as a guide for the spiritual child and mentors him along his Christian journey.

     The relationship of the spiritual director and child must be in the context of love and a close personal relationship, similar to the relationship of a biological parent and child.  St. John Climacus describes the spiritual director as "anadochos," which is the term used for the sponsor or godparent at Baptism and which signifies one who assumes responsibility for another.  Those entrusted to be spiritual fathers and mothers are to lead by example, and not by command.  The caution here is not to create an idol out of the spiritual director, even those that have been recogized by the saints.   " 'Call no one father' means that all fatherhood shares in the fatherhood of God, that all obedience is obedience to the Father's will..."  One must remember that both the spiritual director and child are on the path towards God, and "are subject to the same conditions and commandments, both accountable before the living God," though the spiritual director would be further along the path than the child.  When a spiritual director becomes commanding and forgets to lead with love and by example, the director ceasees to follow the commandments of God.  According to Abba Mius of Belos, "Obedience responds to obedience,"not to authority.

     A spiritual director is not necessarily one who is ordained to the Holy Orders.  Any person, ordained, monastic, or laity, male or female, can be a spiritual director.  The one key is that the person is living a Christian life and has been recognized by others as doing so.  Fr. Alexander Elchaninov said, "You cannot cure the soul of others or 'help people,' without having changed yourself.  You cannot put in order the spiritual economy of others, so long as there is chaos in your own soul.  You cannot bring peace to others if you do not have it yourself."  One must first achieve the virtues of the Christian life, before one can guide others on that path.  There is no certain requirement to determine when the spiritual director has attained a certain state, except for when others recognize that person as leading a holy life.  St. Seraphim of Sarov teaches, "Acquire a peaceful spirit and then thousands of others around you will be saved."  Once a person has successfully traveled the path of spiritual achievement, then others will recognize his holiness and want to follow in his footsteps.  "Thus it is his spiritual children who reveal the elder to himself."

     In the monastic setting, the abbot or abbess of the monastery is the spiritual director for that community.  In most parish settings, the parish priest assumes the role of the spiritual director because of a lack of other spiritual leaders in local parish communities.  There is also the problem that sometimes a spiritual director who is not the parish priest will give direction that contradicts the direction given by the parish priest.  One must remember that the parish priest is the leader of the community, and if one is a member of that community then that person can not be disobedient to the leader of the parish.  However, there are some that seek out other spiritual directors who are not their own parish priest, and they must be aware of the potential conflict that could arise.

     There is also a difference between the father confessor and the spiritual director.  Again, if the spiritual director is an ordained clergyman, he may also serve as the father confessor, but the two are not dependent on each other.  The Sacrament of Confession is essentially a retrospective act where one cofnesses sins that have already been committed.  In contrast, spiritual direction is a preventative act where the focus is on furture decision making.  The spiritual child discusses his thoughts (logismoi) and ideas with the spiritual director, and the director will "discern secret dangers or significant signs" that the spiritual child has unkowingly revealed to his spiritual director.  While one could say that this part of the confession process, it is not necessarily part of the Sacrament of Confession, where one receives absolution.

     A healthy relationship of guidance and advice of the spiritual director with the spiritual child is necessary for every Christian.  St. Basil the Great encourages each person to find a spiritual director "who may serve you as a sure guide in the work of leading a holy life"  and warns that "to be that one does not need counsel is great pride."  Dorothesos of Gaza, who agrees with St. Basil, says, "I know of no falling away of a monk which did not come from his reliance on his own sentiments.  Nothing is more pitiful, nothing more disastrous than to be one's own [spiritual] director." It is very hard for one to lead a Christian life if he does not have a guide to help him along the way.